Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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