College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
