It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
