if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
