There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize