when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
