taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
