rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We named our party play list daddy issues
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So here I am, sexting at work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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