Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
