i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
