Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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