Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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