So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
