she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
