Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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