sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Girls should come with a carfax report
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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