He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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