And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
