how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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