I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
