This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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