I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
