i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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