HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
