haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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