just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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