I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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