Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's just like the Real World with babies
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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