have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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