You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
