can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
