Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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