If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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