If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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