plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
