I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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