I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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