Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
