He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
