I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
