I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sober January is a disaster.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
