Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
