It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
