and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
NoShamevember. You game?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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