Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
