Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can't motorboat a personality
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
