Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
