Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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