So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
