So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need a beard to bite.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
