Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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