The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
