I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
