I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
