Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
