it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
