I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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