You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
