I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
