Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
