Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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