I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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