She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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