i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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