you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
