What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
