Got a toothbrush?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
