and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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