Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
