Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
