I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
