hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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