no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
